Title: Workplace panacea (magic pill) for the heart

Dear fellow toastmasters and distinguished guests,

Does anyone in the audience lean towards a coaching or affiliative leadership style? Raise your hand if you do!

The coaching style emphasizes building morale and trust among your followers, while the affiliative style focuses on their gratification and emotional well-being. Both styles require us, as leaders, to care deeply about the emotional needs of others. Personally, these two styles are incredibly challenging for me.

I’ve often scrutinized myself: Why do I struggle with these styles? Why can’t I coach effectively? Why do I fail to pay attention to emotional needs? Why do my actions fail to bring gratification to others?

The answer is that at work, many of us feel drained, frustrated, angry, and stressed. Like trying to spend money from a bank account with a zero balance, we simply don’t have the emotional capacity to invest in others.

Let me share a personal story that sheds light on this struggle.

Recently, we purchased a new device to experiment with cutting-edge technology. Although we didn’t know how to use it, the abundance of tutorials and setup instructions made it seem manageable—more like low-hanging fruit than a mission impossible.

Since the task wasn’t high-priority, I delegated the task to my colleague. I thought I had set clear objectives and a reasonable timeline.

However, progress was slow, and after a week, I received no updates. Occasionally, my colleague approached me with questions he faced, often concluding that the problems were insurmountable. Sometimes, his reasoning left me perplexed as it didn’t make much sense. To be fair, since I wasn’t directly involved, I struggled to comprehend the issues. Back then, I also lacked the energy, time and appetite to dive into all the details.

So I just told him what I believed to be right and common sense. But naively, I assumed that telling someone common sense would lead to common-sense behavior. No, it didn’t. Instead, my patience wore thin, my ego was bruised, and frustration built up.

During a morning meeting, my colleague presented a lengthy list of obstacles—without a single proposed solution. My heart sank. To move things forward, my boss suggested contacting the salesperson for technical support. I thought that was a great idea, so I seconded. This rekindled my hope that we could finally make it work.

To my surprise, my colleague came back and asked me to contact the salesperson. I was stunned. Somehow, in his mind, he would continue to work on the problems that he said he could not solve while I was responsible for reaching out for help. This misunderstanding could be a bad omen. I patiently explained to him that the choice to contact the salesperson was his, not mine.

At the end, we managed to resolve some but not all the problems, and we abandoned the experiment altogether. The experience left me drained—not just because of the technical challenges but also because of the emotional roller-coaster ride. There was unnecessary discomfort, frustration, and miscommunication.

[what would you do in this situation?]

Here is the good news- I’ve discovered a magic pill, a panacea. Take it three times a day, for as long as needed, with no side effects.

• If someone is inept, useless, or dumb, that’s their flaw. But delegating tasks to them—that’s the leader’s fault.
• If someone is deceitful, disloyal, or manipulative, that’s their flaw. But trusting them—that’s the leader’s fault.
• If this speech sounds boring, cliche and underwhelming, that is my flaw. But coming to listen to me speak. That is your fault.

Consider this carefully:

• When we cook poorly, we don’t blame the ingredients for tasting bad.
• When we lose money in the stock market, we don’t blame the money for falling stock prices.
• When we arrive late, we don’t blame the clock for running too fast.

When the outcome sours, it is our animal instinct to point the finger at the closest person, but in fact, it is farthest from the truth. When we see the truth for what it is, we experience less anger, less frustration, and less confusion. Instead, we feel empowered, in control, and relieved. With this pill, we could refill our emotional reservoir, and only then we could reach out to take care of the emotional needs of others. This pill has transformed my life and my relationships.

I urge you to try this tonight with your family, and again on Monday with your boss or colleagues. I promise, this pill works wonders in life. Thank you.